Dating for Older Guys

A friend in his mid 40's and still single asked me about women and dating recently. So OK. I actually started writing a book on modern dating a few years back, so this can be good refresher notes.

Most of my close friends who date are beautiful smart women from 20 something’s to 60 something’s.  I will tell you what they tell me, and what I see from a long term-relationship view-point, I'm married twice, current marriage 13 years, and observing guys for 30 years.

Guys need to know  this because dating is different now to 10 years ago and many guys 45 or older seem out of touch.  Once guys hits their late 30’s they need a long-term relationship with somebody around their age or older.  Else by their 40’s, mid life, they loose touch, don’t look after themselves and loose their looks, and loose their game because of the mid life thing and get a desperate look in their eyes and manner.  The guy doesn’t see it that way from their angle because they still think they got game and it’s the woman’s fault, but from the woman’s side it’s the other way round.  A guy over 40 must look at himself and dating from a woman’s side of things or he’s got no hope.

Today’s younger (34 or less) women want hot young guys who are hip with the times and latest music, entertainment, and technology.  They don’t like older guys trying to pick them up or hovering over them. Women who like older guys will take the initiative, but only if they like what they see and hear, and guy has a nice car and nice digs, and is not pushy or desperate to get into their pants.

Today’s older women (35 or more) are more highly informed, but less picky about looks, gray hair, or age and small eccentricities, they want a guy around their own age or younger and has a nice car and nice digs, and is not pushy or desperate to get into their pants. Bonus points if he owns real estate.

All women want a guy to nice restaurant and buy flowers at least once a month, gifts for birthdays etc as well as out of the blue, does not manipulate or play head games, eats healthy fresh food, cleans up after himself, dresses nicely/stylish, and pays his own way.

For any attractive empowered woman with a job and a life in this decade in any big city, all of the above items are deal breakers.   If you try to fluff around any of it she will get resentful, which can mean no sex.

A man over 40 is expected to have certain things such as a car and a nice home and dress well. It’s not female fantasy it’s scientific fact, women psychologically still see the man as the provider, if he cannot look after himself at least at the same level a woman looks after herself he does not get her unconscious libido going.  Our roomie of two years was a psychologist and told me of a few studies about it, she was also dating.

Women do surf dating sites and aren’t afraid, but are very cautious, often the good one’s don’t post a picture and will not send you a picture, because they are attractive and get swamped with responses or dickheads.  Try www.okcupid.com it’s free and popular in SF.

Quick tips: Don't be a dick, don't get rude when rejected, always be a gentleman, always be a knight in shining armor, don't be pushy, drop your expectations and pre-conceived ideas.  You aren't a woman, so no you don't understand, accept it. 

By Deborah